My name is Kowleen Perkins, (not my real name) I have decided to change the names and locations to protect the innocent persons involved.

I was born the third, of seven children in a lower class American family. I was chosen to be the one my father would sexually abuse.

I grew up keeping secrets and wishing I was the child of another family of other parents. Although there were happy times they were outlived by fear, sadness and desperation. By the time I reached puberty, I knew if anyone were to love me I would have to give myself to them completely. I was taught sex meant love.

I am the mother of three wonderful children.  One girl and two boys.  Two of my children for their own reasons have decided not to include me in their lives.  I am also the proud grandmother of four girls. With only having contact with two of them.  There are things in my life I am not proud of, but those very things brought me to where I am now. Even though the roads I chose were the wrong ones, I learned from them. I am married to a wonderful man who accepts me for who I am and accepts what my past brings into our marriage.  The trial and tribulations brought on by abuse directed my life, and how I accepted the continuation of abuse throughout my life.

I ask that you do not judge me for what I have done, only judge me for what I do with what I have learned.  I believe when you hold onto all the hate you are allowing the perpetrator to continue to control you and your life.  I was able to break the silence that was holding me hostage my entire life. I was not going to be a victim any longer. I was going to be a survivor.

I am a survivor.